It's been an interesting couple of days around the Duh house! We are approaching the end of Mr. Duh's MTI tour, and that brought up a lot of questions about what to do next. It has made me realize a few things about myself and about being a military wife.
Mr. Duh has had a dream for awhile now of cross-training into another field. He's not the happiest with his current AFSC and his color-blindness restricts his options in the Air Force. While on the MTI tour, he started researching options for cross-training and found one that he really wanted. We have discussed it on and off over the last year or so, and we have differing opinions when it comes to his cross-training.
As you may know, I have not exactly enjoyed this special duty tour. I have been greatly looking forward to getting back to our "normal" life. I have wanted to go back to where we were before, maybe get to a good base, and look into starting a family (it scares me, but Mr. Duh and I aren't getting any younger). Mr. Duh didn't have much of a desire to get back to his old life and career. He wanted a change and asked me if he could apply for this career field, which would take us to Monterey, California for a couple years. After that, we would be limited in the bases we could go to due to the career choice. I wasn't feeling so good about it, but I couldn't bear to tell him no. I wouldn't want him telling me "no" if I wanted to do something else, right?
A couple of days ago, he was ready to apply for the new AFSC. Being the planner/worry-wart that I am, I began meticulously researching the Monterey Bay area. I looked at housing, cost of living, etc... and then I had a meltdown. Here is how my thought process went: The off-base housing is so expensive! Anything we could afford would be so small! The cost-of-living is ridiculous and there is no COLA! Our only on base option is a two bedroom/one bathroom... how am I supposed to have my home office, room for guests and possibly have a baby? Mr. Duh and I are getting so old... should I make him wait another two years to start a family? Should we over-extend ourselves financially to get a big enough place to live? Dear Lord, I'm the worst military wife in the world...
It went on and on like that in my mind for a day or so. When I expressed my concerns to Mr. Duh, he was very understanding. He saw how freaked out I was and offered to cancel his application. I couldn't let him do that... We talked some more and he reassured me of a few things, and I agreed to have a more positive outlook. I also promised not to freak out until I had a reason to... I mean, he was just applying for the program. It's not like we had actual orders.
It turns out that I panicked for no reason. Due to some issues with the special duty tour, Mr. Duh wasn't able to apply. Part of me was glad, because now we can put in for a Base of Preference and maybe return to the "normal" life I have hoped for. My husband, on the other hand, was very disappointed. He has wanted to cross-train for awhile now, and I want him to pursue his dreams. It's a rough spot to be in when what you want is in contradiction with what your spouse wants.
This situation has made me think a lot about the "Military Wife". Since marrying into the military, I have had this idea in my head of what the perfect military spouse is. She is the woman who always helps to further her husband's career. She never complains. She can PCS blind-folded, with two hands tied behind her back. She has a secret stash of curtains that fit every home. She's a great mother who can shield her kids from the difficulties of military life. She makes awesome care-packages. She volunteers. She can fix things. She makes friends easily. She always puts the needs of her husband and kids before her own. She navigates military life with poise and grace... and she never melts down.
I'm always holding myself to this "standard" and I always fall WAY short. As a military wife, I'm kind of a hot mess. Poise and grace? I wish! I can't fix things... Hell, I can't even mow the lawn. I cry, complain, and have definitely had my share of meltdowns. Maybe one day I'll get closer to being that "Perfect Military Spouse" or maybe I'll learn she just doesn't exist...
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